She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize