it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
