You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
