There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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