I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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