I wish I could punch you in the face.
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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