Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
