This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize