so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
