i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
