I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
