thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
