so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
