Need sex. Gaining weight.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
