these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
