She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
