Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
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