Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
