True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
