I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
