glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
