Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
