he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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