I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
