I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
