Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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