We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
