Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Randomize
