all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
