Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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