Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
