DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
