Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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