You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
