well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
