somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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