so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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