There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
