He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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