he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
