Just cropdusted the office
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
