it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
