I look better un-naked...
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
