you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
