okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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