I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
