Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
