you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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