Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
