dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
