my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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