I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
