Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
