I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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