just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
