Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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