I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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