i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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