okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
