My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
