im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
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