"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
