I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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