I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
