I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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