he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
