happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
the liver wants what the liver wants
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
