2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
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