White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
