is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize