I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
