The best revenge is premature balding
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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