dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
