well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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