oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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