and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
