Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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