Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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