What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
he had hair everywhere except his balls
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
