high people should be assigned attendants
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
