Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
