I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
