I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize