I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
