just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
