I wish i was in the wii world.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
