I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
