Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
