Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize