Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
