I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
I'm really busy with my period
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