You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
