fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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