Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
