U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
