okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
