I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
