Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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