Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
