talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
