Sponge bath it is.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Randomize
