It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
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