OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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