I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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