I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Randomize
