Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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