the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Randomize
