He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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