Will you blow on my dice?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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