it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
