She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
