she smelled like a LAN party
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
