A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
