After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
